Radical Vulnerability

Radical Vulnerability

Hi, I’m Destiny and I absolutely lost my sh*t today. I spent over an hour full on ugly crying in my car (think Kim Kardashian but worse). I thought about not sharing this experience at all because let’s face it, it’s kind of embarrassing. Then I realized that by not sharing I’d be doing myself a huge disservice.

You see, I’ve been trying to fully understand myself more, to love myself more, and to fully step into my power. In order to truly show up for myself, and as my highest self I have to embrace the good as well as the bad.

I absolutely lost my sh*t today and that’s okay because I know that I’m in full control of my reality. I could choose to view what happened today as crappy. I could let it ruin my night, or hell even my entire week. I could choose to be so caught up in those negative emotions that I lose focus on what’s important to me. Or, I could choose to honor those feelings, and move through them. I could choose joy.

Today, I choose joy. I choose to look back on that moment and see it for what it was- incredible. I allowed myself to succumb to my feelings, to crack my heart wide open and I feel liberated! I will no longer carry the burden of bottled up emotions. I’m a firm believer that breakdowns lead to breakthroughs and today only helped to solidify that idea in my mind.

“I’m not the defender of the darkness, but I understand it’s role in the ecology of my life. And just as I own my pain when I’m navigating it, so too do I own my joy when I’m buoyantly floating in it like a smitten kitten.”

-Tara Bliss

Spiritual Boss Babe Essentials

Spiritual Boss Babe Essentials

We all know life is f*cking crazy sometimes. I’ve faced my share of negative days, and I know you all have too. That’s why I wanted to put together this little spiritual must- haves and gift guide. Share this with someone close to you that needs a little help feeling grounded, or spoil yourself!

After a lot of testing, I’ve finally put together my top five spiritual must-haves. I hope this helps all of my #highvibebabes stay grounded and positive.

#1 Sage

I know, this one seems pretty obvious but I can’t go without sage. Seriously, I’m obsessed. You can’t welcome new positive energy into your life without clearing out the bad first. Cultures all around the world have used sacred herbs, woods, incense and more to cleanse and bless themselves. If you want to get super fancy you can purchase a smudge kit like this one here. If you’re on the less fancy side (like myself) you can pick up a regular ole sage bundle here. Just make sure you have a little plate or bowl you can catch the ashes in.

#2 Pink Himalayan Salt Lamp

If you haven’t heard of salt lamps by now, I’m going to need you to crawl out from under that rock your living under. Seriously, it’s 2019 and everyone should have one of these things. Before I get into the spiritual aspects of salt lamps, I’ll break down the science of how they work. Salt lamps absorb water the air and also take in positive ions. When heated the lamp releases clean water vapor back into the air along with negative ions. This exchange of positive and negative ions increases cilia activity in the lungs helping to keep them clear. Pretty nifty huh? Now that I have all the science out of the way, I can explain the real reason why I keep one in my home – negative ions. These little babies increase the vibration of your home and attract positive energy. #goodvibesonly This one is fairly inexpensive, and a good size to start with.

# 3 Essential Oil Diffuser

I literally have one of this with me at all times! I have multiple at home, one on my desk at work, one for my car and I even wear a diffuser bracelet. I won’t go into too much detail here because I’ll be touching essential oils a little later in this post. Click the links to snag some really nice inexpensive diffusers because trust me, you need one (or ten)!

# 4 A Journal

Journaling is incredibly therapeutic for our souls! I use my journal to take time to reflect and connect more with myself. I document everything from dreams, to do list, tarot reading notes, and spontaneous ideas that pop into my head through the day. Turn off your electronics and really take time to embrace that special connection between you and your highest self! A super simple notebook is fine but if you’re anything like me you’ll want something incredibly beautiful to write in. You can find plenty of beautiful journals here. If you prefer something hand made you can snag one here!

#5 Essential oils

Oils are something I hold near and dear. They’re a huge part of my families day to life. They’re an incredible tool to have if you’re wanting to manage your health naturally, but the thing that I love the most is their incredible ability to help manage emotions. Oils are a lifeline for me, I simply couldn’t make it through the day without them. They help me control my anxiety, and panic attacks as well as PPD. I already have a link to where you can purchase the best quality essential oils. Click the “products I love” tab to check it out. If you’ve never tried essential oils and are interested, shoot me an email and I’ll send some straight to your door free of charge.

My 10 year glow up.

My 10 year glow up.

I figured I’d jump on the bandwagon with this #10yearchallenge and share my little glow up with you guys. Honestly, this is more of a #6yearchallenge for me because I can’t find any pictures from before 2013.

well here she is, 2013 Destiny in all her glory.

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The day of my high school graduation. It’s hard for me to even look at this picture. I don’t recognize this girl anymore. Just two months from the time this picture was taken I would make the worst decision of my life (continuing an affair with my high school English teacher). And just six months later I was pregnant (for the second time), and shortly after I was healing physically and emotionally from an ended pregnancy and a toxic relationship.

I have no idea that the next two and a half years would be the most trying times of my life. I left abusive relationship after abusive relationship. And when someone else wasn’t abusing me I was abusing myself. I was smoking a pack of cigarettes a day and was completely dependent on drugs and alcohol to function. I wore too much makeup and straightened my hair too often.I spent days laying on my floor crying. I was riddled with anxiety and self hatred. I honesty can’t remember a day I didn’t want to die.

I want to make it very clear that I’m not sharing this to gain pitty. I’m sharing this because I’m in complete awe of how far I’ve come. Like I said, I don’t even recognize the girl in that picture, she’s gone and I couldn’t be happier with that.

Honestly I look back on these days fondly. I truly wouldn’t be the woman I am today without these experiences. These years taught me so much about self preservation, and most importantly self love. I didn’t know what I was capable of back then. I doubted myself way too often, but I’ll never make that mistake again.

This is 2019 Destiny. A self love goddess. A woman who know exactly who she is. A mother, a daughter, a wife, a friend, a truly happy person.

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Before I go, I’d like to share a quote that I live.

“You are your greatest project. Your relationship with self will be the most fulfilling thing you ever pour love into. When we pour our love into ourselves we then flow into the other relationships and connections in our life. Without filling ourselves first we are trying to give what we don’t even have. We can become resentful, bitter, and not in our highest self. You are here to love but it must start with you.”

-Marisa Lacer

I’m all for personal growth and development so share your 10 year glow up with me on Instagram.

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Our No Spend Month

Our No Spend Month

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As we begin a new year, I know I’m not the only one looking to make some changes. I’m usually not one for New Year’s resolutions but I figured I’d give it a shot in 2018.

I’m looking forward to a year or personal development, financial security, and happiness. I’m wishing you and your family the same 🙂

Let’s just jump right into it. I’m sure the title grabbed your attention(that kinda the point). And I know a lot of you are wondering how we plan on going an entire month without spending any money. I’ll start by explaining what a no spend challenge is, then I’ll lay out the rules that my family has chosen to follow during our no spend month.

So, what is a no spend challenge?

well, it’s a period when you chose not to spend any money what so ever. I know it sounds ridiculous and absolutely impossible.  A lot of you a rolling your eyes, and probably thinking to yourself ” okay, this B*tch is crazy.”.  I promise it will all come together in a minute, just hang in there.

Now that you have a basic understanding of what a no spend challenge is, I want to share with you exactly what we plan to get out of our no spend challenge and how we’re bending the rules (just a tad) to make it work for our family.

Being content with what we have.

This is first on the list because this is the most important element to our challenge…for me at least. As I continue to grow as a person I want to push myself further out of my comfort zone. I’m no stranger to wanting things, and I know most of you aren’t either. It’s okay to want nice things, really it is. The problem is when you want things solely for the purpose of having things. If you’re using material items to fill a space within yourself (like I was), I strongly recommend you do a little self reflection and more importantly some self love. I’m encouraging you to step outside your comfort zone as well, and spend some time figuring out exactly what it is you need in life.

Stop mindless spending.

This one goes hand in hand with our first goal, but I figured I’d give it it’s own little moment because I know someone people are struggling just like we are. My partner and I have a horrible habit of spending money on “little things” without realizing that all of those “little things” add up. Budgeting our money is something that we’re both very unfamiliar with, and to be honest sometimes it makes me really uncomfortable. I hate the idea of having to miss out on something that I want or feel I need or deserve because I need to save money. However, this year we’ve decided to do everything we can to change our habit of mindless spending. We’re determined to teach our son something different and to break the cycle of living paycheck to paycheck.

Paying off debt.

For some odd reason, this is something no one ever wants to talk about. Honestly, I find that strange because being in debt is something so many people struggle with, especially millennials. Like some many other people our age, Tyler and I both have a ton of student loans debt as well as a fair amount of credit card debt. Plus, we both have cars we’re still paying for. Don’t worry, I’m not going to go into exact numbers but trust me when I say we owe a lot of people a lot of fucking money.  How hope is that this no spend month will help us put more money towards our debts, and put us one step closer to being debt free!

Now that you know exactly what we’ve hoping to gain from our no spend month, its time to see exactly how this thing works.

Rules number one is simple, don’t spend any money. This is usually where people get hung up and decide that this type of challenge isn’t for them.  Hopefully, I can help you understand things a little bit better. So obviously it’s impossible to spend absolutely no money what so ever ( for most people at least). Most of us have a family to support and a set of constant bills that have to be paid every single month.  During our no spend month we’re of course going to pay for things like our rent etc. But that’s it, we’ve no allowing ourselves to spend money on anything else.  To make it simple I’ll create a little list so you’ll know exactly what we’re choosing to spend money on and what we’re not. There are a million and one ways to do a no spend challenge, I encourage you to take a look at our list and decide what works for your family and what doesn’t.

Here’s what we’ll be spending money on this month

  • Our rent- obviously we need a place to live 🙂
  • Groceries- we’ll be sticking to a much tighter grocery budget than usual
  • Gas- we have to get to work somehow
  • Our monthly bills- like electric, car payments, phones, etc.

And here’s what we’re not spending our money on this month

  • Anything that isn’t on the list above- pretty simple right 😉

Like I said before, there are a million and one ways to do a no spend challenge. Take some notes and figure out what works best for you.

I’ll be doing a check in during the middle of the month, just to let you guy know how things are going. I’ll also be making a post at the end of the challenge, so make sure you sign up for email notifications so you don’t miss a post!

It’s 2018, chase your dreams, end toxic relationships, live the kind of life you want to. Happiness is up to you.

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Overcoming my Smart Phone Addiction

Overcoming my Smart Phone Addiction

All the Joy of Plaid

Recently I noticed my son starting to act out. He would walk over and smack our television, or snatch my phone out of my hand. At first, this really irritated me. Then I took a second to think about why he had developed these new behaviors, he was acting out because he felt like I was ignoring him.

I know that this is a touchy subject, and I know that there are people who will think I’m crazy because I (kind of) gave up the internet for five days. Trust me, I’m not one of those people that thinks technology is evil and is destroying the world as we know it. However, I do believe it can turn us into people that we don’t want to be. I know that technology, my phone, in particular, helps me fill empty space. It’s the first thing I reach for when I’m bored, feeling uncomfortable, or just don’t know what else I should be doing. Honestly, there are times I reach for my phone for no reason, I just picked it up to mindlessly scroll through Facebook. I’m not trying to say that it’s a problem for everyone, but for me, smart phone addiction was truly an issue. That’s why I decided to give it up for a week (a work week of course).

I’ll be honest, I didn’t give my phone up completely. I’m too much of a baby for that. I still allowed myself some screen time, although it was extremely limited. I told myself I could still text, or call people. Mainly because I have a son, and if something were to happen to him I’ll need to be reached quickly. And, because I have a full-blown addiction, and was afraid I wouldn’t be able to function without my phone at all. I also allowed myself to access Youtube. If you’ve read my post about my autistic burnout, you’ll know that I consider Youtube one of my stims. It’s extremely important for me to be able to deal with my anxiety in a healthy way, and watching Youtube videos helps me do that. So, I allowed myself to continue to watch YouTube but only under certain circumstances. I could only watch it if my son was asleep for the night, or I couldn’t control my anxiety with another form of stimming. Other than that, I had no access to my phone. Now I’m sure you guys are thinking “what the hell, she didn’t give up much!”, and you’re kind of right. I could still text and call people and I could still enjoy Youtube. However, I didn’t allow myself access to Facebook, Instagram, or another form of social media. Some may see that as a small victory, and that okay.

I do want to make it perfectly clear that I never intended to give up social media, or my phone forever. I wanted this experiment to be a learning experience for me, and it was just that. I learned a lot about myself over the last five days, and I’m incredibly proud and ashamed of myself all at the same time. I’m ashamed that I ever let my phone control so much of my life. I’m ashamed that I allowed my phone to change the way I interacted with my son. However, I’m proud that I was able to put my ego aside and realize when I had a problem. I’m also very proud that I didn’t slip up, not even for a second 😊. I’m hoping that some of you reading this will take my advice, and go on a technology detox yourselves. I think I could do us all some good, to step away from all our distractions for a little bit.

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So, here’s what I learned.

I can get a lot of Sh*t done without my phone.

This one actually surprised me a lot. I never realized how much time I spent staring at my phone. All this week I was able to get myself, my son ready, and be out the door ahead of schedule. That was something that never happened before. I would wake up, and immediately grab my phone and be stuck in a trance until about ten minutes before I had to leave. I would always complain about how I never had enough time to do anything when in reality I was just using my time to check my Instagram feed. If there’s one habit I keep from this past week, I’ll be not looking at my phone in the morning. Giving up my screen time in the morning alleviated a lot of the anxiety I felt throughout the day. I realized that having a smoother start to my day changed my entire attitude.

I Spend a lot of time curating moments.

Now I know I’m not the only guilty one here. How many of you find yourself trying to capture beautiful moments of your kid with your phone? Spoiler alert, the answer is all of you. OF course, you want to get that really cute picture of your kid, who doesn’t? You’re trying to capture a memory, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not telling you to stop taking pictures, or videos of moments you want to remember forever. I’m simply encouraging you to participate in some of those moments as well.  Let someone else take the pictures, or hell, get really wild and don’t take any photos at all. Be present. Live in the moment. Focus on the here and now.

I was able to make real connections with people again.

This is something that I really struggled with. I allowed my phone to put up a wall between me and other people. I’m socially awkward, and sometimes being around people makes me really uncomfortable. Therefore, I find it incredibly difficult to interact with people. Without knowing it, I used my phone to combat this issue Whenever I was uncomfortable or didn’t know what to say I would start scrolling on my phone. Not having my phone this week forced me to learn a new coping skill. I either interacted with the people around me or sat in awkward silence without using my phone as a crutch.

I had FOMO like a MOFO

This was honestly the thing I struggled with most. I’m a little embossed to admit that I actually had anxiety attacks because I was afraid of missing out. I no longer had that instant access to information the way I had before. It made me feel very disconnected from the world…at first. Then a realized that 99.9% of the crap I looked at on Facebook, or Instagram was pointless.

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I know that this isn’t for everyone, but I’m hoping some of you will decide to take back some of the power you’ve lost through your phone. I know that I’m going to make a conscious effect to keep my phone face down when I’m with others. I’m going to start making meaningful connections again, and I encourage you to do the same.

See ya next time!

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First World Problems

First World Problems

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Hello, my sweet sweet friends!

If you celebrate Thanksgiving, I hope you had a blast last week. Even if you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, I still hope you had a blast last week 😉

Per usual, I’ve had a tremendous amount of anxiety (I swear one day I’ll get it under control). Like always, I’m stressing about things that really don’t matter. So, I’m making a list off all these tiny insignificant problems to remind myself that it’s okay to be stressed sometimes, but it’s not okay to let things ruin my day.

If you’re in the same boat as me, know that I’m sending you lots of love and positive vibes.

Until next time, here’s a list of my first world problems 🙂

1. Sometimes my washing machine doesn’t spin correctly, and my clothes come out soaking wet.

2. My dog pooped on the floor a few weeks ago

3. My son also pooped on the floor a few weeks ago.

4. I need to update my iPhone, but I hate change.

5. My favorite pair of shoes have a hole in them

6.  I want a table for my entryway, but I’m too cheap to buy one.

7. My son hates diaper changes and screams the whole time.

8. My dog eats out of the trash can

9. I’m autistic, and I’ve had some really bad sensory days.

10. I’m allergic to my deodorant.

11.  My dog is shedding, so I’m always sweeping the floors.

12. I’m behind on laundry… like always.

13. My partner does most of the cooking and sometimes that makes me feel guilty.

14. My dishwasher doesn’t work very well so sometimes the dishes come out dirty.

15. Putting air in my tires makes me nervous, so I’m just ignoring the fact that my tire needs air in it.

This is just a gentle reminder to not let anxiety get the best of you. Take a deep breathe and remember, no ones ever actually died from a panic attack 😉

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I’m Just an Okay Mom.

I’m Just an Okay Mom.

REAL MOMI haven’t posted in two weeks; sorry about that. I’ve been going back and forth with myself, trying to decide if I want to post this at all. However, I think it’s important to be honest with you guys. I think it’s even more important that I’m honest with myself, so here it goes. I’m not perfect. I’m not a perfect person, I’m not a perfect partner, I’m not a perfect mother and I’m okay with that.

So, to the moms who feel crappy  because their kid’s lunch wasn’t Pinterest worthy, or because they missed a parent-teacher conference, trust me we’ve all been there. To the mom’s who are about week behind on laundry and had to send their kid to the sitter’s wearing a dirty shirt, don’t freak out cause I’ve been there too mama. To the mom’s who have ever felt like a crappy mom just because they’re stressed and need some space, know that you’re not alone.

I know this post was short, I know this probably wasn’t what most of you were expecting.  So many people refuse to tell it like it is, especially when it comes to parenthood. It’s because people are afraid of what others will think. It’s because people are afraid of being thought of as a bad parent. Well, I’m over it. The truth is, being a parent can be the most incredible (and I mean truly incredible) experience, but sometimes it kinda sucks.

Like I said in the beginning, I’m here to be honest with you guys. I’m not aspiring to be the greatest at anything, I’m just doing the very best I can. It’s taken me a long time to get to this point in my life. I’m finally comfortable enough with myself to say, I’m the world’s “okayest” mom…and I’m fine with it.

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