Radical Vulnerability

Radical Vulnerability

Hi, I’m Destiny and I absolutely lost my sh*t today. I spent over an hour full on ugly crying in my car (think Kim Kardashian but worse). I thought about not sharing this experience at all because let’s face it, it’s kind of embarrassing. Then I realized that by not sharing I’d be doing myself a huge disservice.

You see, I’ve been trying to fully understand myself more, to love myself more, and to fully step into my power. In order to truly show up for myself, and as my highest self I have to embrace the good as well as the bad.

I absolutely lost my sh*t today and that’s okay because I know that I’m in full control of my reality. I could choose to view what happened today as crappy. I could let it ruin my night, or hell even my entire week. I could choose to be so caught up in those negative emotions that I lose focus on what’s important to me. Or, I could choose to honor those feelings, and move through them. I could choose joy.

Today, I choose joy. I choose to look back on that moment and see it for what it was- incredible. I allowed myself to succumb to my feelings, to crack my heart wide open and I feel liberated! I will no longer carry the burden of bottled up emotions. I’m a firm believer that breakdowns lead to breakthroughs and today only helped to solidify that idea in my mind.

“I’m not the defender of the darkness, but I understand it’s role in the ecology of my life. And just as I own my pain when I’m navigating it, so too do I own my joy when I’m buoyantly floating in it like a smitten kitten.”

-Tara Bliss

Spiritual Boss Babe Essentials

Spiritual Boss Babe Essentials

We all know life is f*cking crazy sometimes. I’ve faced my share of negative days, and I know you all have too. That’s why I wanted to put together this little spiritual must- haves and gift guide. Share this with someone close to you that needs a little help feeling grounded, or spoil yourself!

After a lot of testing, I’ve finally put together my top five spiritual must-haves. I hope this helps all of my #highvibebabes stay grounded and positive.

#1 Sage

I know, this one seems pretty obvious but I can’t go without sage. Seriously, I’m obsessed. You can’t welcome new positive energy into your life without clearing out the bad first. Cultures all around the world have used sacred herbs, woods, incense and more to cleanse and bless themselves. If you want to get super fancy you can purchase a smudge kit like this one here. If you’re on the less fancy side (like myself) you can pick up a regular ole sage bundle here. Just make sure you have a little plate or bowl you can catch the ashes in.

#2 Pink Himalayan Salt Lamp

If you haven’t heard of salt lamps by now, I’m going to need you to crawl out from under that rock your living under. Seriously, it’s 2019 and everyone should have one of these things. Before I get into the spiritual aspects of salt lamps, I’ll break down the science of how they work. Salt lamps absorb water the air and also take in positive ions. When heated the lamp releases clean water vapor back into the air along with negative ions. This exchange of positive and negative ions increases cilia activity in the lungs helping to keep them clear. Pretty nifty huh? Now that I have all the science out of the way, I can explain the real reason why I keep one in my home – negative ions. These little babies increase the vibration of your home and attract positive energy. #goodvibesonly This one is fairly inexpensive, and a good size to start with.

# 3 Essential Oil Diffuser

I literally have one of this with me at all times! I have multiple at home, one on my desk at work, one for my car and I even wear a diffuser bracelet. I won’t go into too much detail here because I’ll be touching essential oils a little later in this post. Click the links to snag some really nice inexpensive diffusers because trust me, you need one (or ten)!

# 4 A Journal

Journaling is incredibly therapeutic for our souls! I use my journal to take time to reflect and connect more with myself. I document everything from dreams, to do list, tarot reading notes, and spontaneous ideas that pop into my head through the day. Turn off your electronics and really take time to embrace that special connection between you and your highest self! A super simple notebook is fine but if you’re anything like me you’ll want something incredibly beautiful to write in. You can find plenty of beautiful journals here. If you prefer something hand made you can snag one here!

#5 Essential oils

Oils are something I hold near and dear. They’re a huge part of my families day to life. They’re an incredible tool to have if you’re wanting to manage your health naturally, but the thing that I love the most is their incredible ability to help manage emotions. Oils are a lifeline for me, I simply couldn’t make it through the day without them. They help me control my anxiety, and panic attacks as well as PPD. I already have a link to where you can purchase the best quality essential oils. Click the “products I love” tab to check it out. If you’ve never tried essential oils and are interested, shoot me an email and I’ll send some straight to your door free of charge.

My 10 year glow up.

My 10 year glow up.

I figured I’d jump on the bandwagon with this #10yearchallenge and share my little glow up with you guys. Honestly, this is more of a #6yearchallenge for me because I can’t find any pictures from before 2013.

well here she is, 2013 Destiny in all her glory.

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The day of my high school graduation. It’s hard for me to even look at this picture. I don’t recognize this girl anymore. Just two months from the time this picture was taken I would make the worst decision of my life (continuing an affair with my high school English teacher). And just six months later I was pregnant (for the second time), and shortly after I was healing physically and emotionally from an ended pregnancy and a toxic relationship.

I have no idea that the next two and a half years would be the most trying times of my life. I left abusive relationship after abusive relationship. And when someone else wasn’t abusing me I was abusing myself. I was smoking a pack of cigarettes a day and was completely dependent on drugs and alcohol to function. I wore too much makeup and straightened my hair too often.I spent days laying on my floor crying. I was riddled with anxiety and self hatred. I honesty can’t remember a day I didn’t want to die.

I want to make it very clear that I’m not sharing this to gain pitty. I’m sharing this because I’m in complete awe of how far I’ve come. Like I said, I don’t even recognize the girl in that picture, she’s gone and I couldn’t be happier with that.

Honestly I look back on these days fondly. I truly wouldn’t be the woman I am today without these experiences. These years taught me so much about self preservation, and most importantly self love. I didn’t know what I was capable of back then. I doubted myself way too often, but I’ll never make that mistake again.

This is 2019 Destiny. A self love goddess. A woman who know exactly who she is. A mother, a daughter, a wife, a friend, a truly happy person.

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Before I go, I’d like to share a quote that I live.

“You are your greatest project. Your relationship with self will be the most fulfilling thing you ever pour love into. When we pour our love into ourselves we then flow into the other relationships and connections in our life. Without filling ourselves first we are trying to give what we don’t even have. We can become resentful, bitter, and not in our highest self. You are here to love but it must start with you.”

-Marisa Lacer

I’m all for personal growth and development so share your 10 year glow up with me on Instagram.

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18 before 2018

18 before 2018

 

blogger-photo-2249560_960_720Hi my sweet sweet friends! I’m so glad to be back. First and foremost I’d like to thank everyone who checked on me during my break. For those of you who don’t know I took a much need break in July to focus on my family and our big move. We’ve finally settled into our new place ( a home tour coming soon) and things are much less hectic than before. Also, I took this time to do a little site revamp. I hope you noticed 😉

This post is inspired by the lovely Lisa Jacobs You can find her blog post here.

Anyway, Today I’m listing 18 goals I want to accomplish before 2018. I created my list by writing down everything I wanted/needed to get done before the year ended. Then I organized that into eighteen major goals I’d like to accomplish.

A few things you should keep in mind while making your list

  • Do you have any unfinished business to attend to so you can end this year on a good note?
  • What needs to happen in order for you to accomplish your goals?
  • Don’t stretch yourself too thin. The objective here is to work on goals that are actually achievable RIGHT NOW.
  • Some projects just need to be let go of, so you can focus more on the things you want in your life.

Here’s My 18 before 2018

  1.  Be Present

I made this the first thing on my list because it’s so important to me. So many of us are focused on things that just don’t matter in the long run. I’m letting go of that and channeling all of my energy into being 100% focused on the things that are important to me. My family, my friends, my self-care and all the little things in between.

2.  Start a Youtube Channel

This is something I’ve wanted to do for so long. Now it’s no longer on the back burner.

3. Monthly Dates with my partner

These have been practically nonexistent since we’ve had our son. Now I’m making them a priority.

4. Decorate for the holidays

This may sound silly to some, this will be the first year we’re in our own home as a family. I love homes decked out for the holidays, so this year I’m making it happen

5. Create a budget…and stick to it

This seems pretty self-explanatory.

6. Take more walks

I never spend enough time outside. I work full time, and more often than not I’m dead tired when I come home. Usually, the last thing I want to do is go for a walk, but spending time outside is so grounding and always relaxes me. So I’m planning to walk at least 15 minutes a day.

7. Reduce my mindless screen time

Recently I’ve noticed I’m spending a lot more time mindlessly scrolling on Instagram, or Facebook. I open the app to look one thing, and then 30 minutes go by and I’m still scrolling. I don’t allow my son to have screen time for this very reason. I didn’t want him to become addicted to it. Now I’m limiting my screen time, and spending more time doing the things I love.

8. Read a least one book

Again this might sound silly to some of you, but those of you with kids will understand. It can be incredibly difficult to find time for yourself, especially if you have a toddler like I do.

9. Start a bullet journal

Okay, if you have no idea what a bullet journal is, go google it now! One of my goals for 2017 was to get more organized. Well, that never happened, until now! Currently, I’m setting up my first spreads in my bullet journal, and I can’t wait for it to change my life 😉

10. Increase my content output

Blogging is something I’ve always wanted to do. I fell off the wagon for a while, but I’m excited to get things going again and to see where things take me.

11. Buy a coffee table for my living room

I mentioned this before, but we recently moved into our first family home. A super tiny one bedroom apartment. Just about all of our things were gifted to us, so buying a coffee table will be our first “big” purchase together.

12. De-clutter my wardrobe

Over the past year, I’ve been learning more and more about minimalism, and I’ve discovered that I have so many things I just don’t need. So the first major area I’m de-cluttering is my closet. If it doesn’t fit, I haven’t worn it in years, or it just doesn’t bring me joy I’m getting rid of it.

13. Take better care of myself

Becoming a mother is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. However, I feel like I lost myself to motherhood. I worried so much about my son I forgot about myself. My goal now is to take better care of myself whether that means I’m getting my nails done once a week, or just drinking a cup of coffee by myself. I’m making myself a priority again.

14. Listen to more podcasts

I LOVE PODCASTS! If you’ve never listened to a podcast seriously you’re missing out. The amount of information I’ve learned from podcasts is astounding. I’m absolutely obsessed.

15. Connect more to my faith

This is something I’ve struggled with a lot recently. I often make excuses for myself and say I don’t have time for faith. This lack of faith has directly affected my emotional well being and I’m ready for a change.

16. Create a gratitude log

I’ll admit, I’m a complainer. I often become hyper focused on the things going wrong in my life and it makes it impossible to see all the things that are going right. To combat this issue every day, I’m going to write down one thing I’m grateful for. At the end of the year, I’ll have an amazing list of all the good things in my life.

17. Spend more time with friends

I can be a pretty antisocial person. I find it hard to connect with people face to face and if I’m being honest people give me a great deal of anxiety. Because of this, I have a hard time showing my friends I actually care about them.

18. Gain at least 5 lbs

If you know me, you know for the last few months I’ve been struggling a lot with weight loss. I’ve started to feel really uncomfortable in my own skin, and in order to remedy this, I’ll be making a  conscious effect to track what I’m eating and to packing on the pounds 💪.

If I’m being honest I’m a little stressed about the sheer size of some of these goals. Nonetheless, I’m excited and ready for the challenge! What are some of the goals you’d like to accomplish before the new year? I’d love to hear about it in the comments or tag me on Instagram @theholisticbee

xoxo

Destiny

A Guide to Self-Compassion

A Guide to Self-Compassion

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Hi, my sweet, sweet friends! I’m sorry I’ve been MIA lately. I really needed some time to myself, to do some self-reflection and healing. If you’ve been following my blog at all you know I’m on a journey of self-discovery. You’d also know how strongly I feel about self-care. Because of that, I decided to take some time off to work on myself and to really focus on my family. Now that I’m feeling re-energized, I’m ready to get back to my regular posting schedule.

In this blog post, I wanted to share with you the knowledge I’ve gained throughout these few weeks of reflection. So, before I ramble on too much, here’s a guide to becoming the best “you” you can be.

LET GO OF NEGATIVITY 

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a thousand times! You must let go of your negative energy to grow as a person. Negativity can hold us back from a lot in life, especially happiness. Your mind creates your reality. If you’re always walking around with an attitude of ” nothing goes right in my life” than that’s what you’ll get in return. So, you’re probably wondering how you can stop being so negative. Don’t worry I have a few tips for you 🙂

  • Be grateful-  Take five minutes a day to write down everything you’re grateful for. When you start focusing on the positive things in your life, your whole mindset changes.
  • Stop complaining-  I know, this one is tough. I’ll be the first to admit that I complain A LOT. What I’ve been trying to remember lately is that complain doesn’t fix anything. Now I try to limit complaining to no more than five minutes. This helps me to mentally notice when I’m getting annoyed, so I’m able to take the right steps to calm myself down, rather than sweating the small stuff.
  • Focus on yourself- Usually negativity comes from a place of unhappiness. Start asking yourself what would you like to change? How can you make your life better? Do some self- reflection, and be open to making some changes.

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LIVE AUTHENTICALLY

It takes so long to be comfortable in your own skin. Once you’ve reached that place in your life, never apologize, or hide who you really are. Never strive to be like someone else. Be unique, be weird, be authentic, be YOU!

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LET GO OF SELF DOUBT 

I can’t stress this enough! How can you become your best self if you’re always doubting your abilities? Letting go of self-doubt is difficult, but it’s possible. Let go of the fear of failure, let go of other people’s opinions of you, let go of pre-conceived opinions about yourself. Know your self-worth, and never doubt it again. Like I said before this may not come easy, and it may take time. A great way to start is using positive affirmations. Every morning while you’re getting ready, look at yourself in the mirror and say something positive about yourself three times. Here are a few examples.

  • I am a beautiful and strong person. I can tackle anything that comes my way today.
  • I am a confident person.
  • I am going to be my best self today. I will stay positive and kind.
  • I am going to have an amazing day. Nothing will crush my positive mood.
  • My outfit is on point today. I feel confident and beautiful.

Trust me I know how cheesy this sounds, but trust me it works!

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INVEST IN YOURSELF

Investing in yourself is always a positive thing. It’s a way to learn about yourself regardless of the outcome. The more you discover about yourself, the easier it is to become the person you want to be. Self-investment can be as simple has taking a class, reading a good book, or even starting up that business you’ve always dreamed of.

Well guys, there you have it, a few tips to help you along your journey of self-compassion, and self-love. Even if you incorporate just one of these into your life, you will see a change in yourself and your life. I’d love to hear the ways you’re working on becoming a better you. Let me know in the comments below!

 

 

 

xoxo

Destiny

 

 

Self care Sunday

Self care Sunday

 

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Hello my sweet sweet friends! I hope all is well in your world.

If you couldn’t tell from last weeks post I’m pretty big on self-love. For those of you who don’t know me personally, I’ll go ahead and let you know this is a relatively new idea for me. I’ve spent most of my life putting myself on the back burner, but not anymore my friends!

Basically, I started with the idea of taking a little time for myself. I usually do this on Sunday when I make a new post, but you can choose any day that works for you. In the future, I’d like to take a little time every day, but for now, Sundays are working just fine 😉

I can’t stress how important it is to create a routine of self-care for yourself, especially for us mothers. We spend so much time taking care of other people we forget about ourselves. Take some tips from my self-care routine below, and make sure you’re giving yourself some love on a daily basis!

Sleep in

You’ll be surprised when you see what sleeping in just one day a week can do for your health. Both physically as well as mentally. Sleep is when our body heals and recuperates from our stressful lives. If you have small children pass them off on Dad for a little bit, so you can sleep in.

Meditate 

Meditation is something I feel very strongly about, and it’s a huge part of my life. Take a least 10 minutes to just sit, and be present. Make sure you ditch your phone, and any negative thoughts.

You’ll walk away much more relaxed, and ready to take on your day.

Pamper yourself 

I want to start by saying that I’m not talking about “retail therapy” here. I personally believe that kind of “papering” is just a distraction, and incredibly self-destructive.

What I mean is run yourself a hot bath, diffuse some essential oils and drift away.

Get outside 

This is so important to me! If I spend to much time indoors, I feel stressed and overwhelmed with life.

Take a walk, ride a bike, just get outside and breathe the fresh air. I find this incredibly grounding, it connects back to life and just makes my day that much better.

Spend time doing something you love 

For me, this means watching my son. Literally, I just sit there and watch him sleep sometimes. I know this probably sounds really weird, but it’s the truth. I find myself becoming preoccupied with so many things that I often forget just how fast my son is growing. Whenever I find that happening, I stop what I’m doing and focus on being present in his life. Whether that means watching him sleep, or sitting on the floor and playing with him. It’s important to me to take that time for him, no matter what because I know in twenty years I’m never going to look back and wish I would have spent more time putting the dishes away.

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Life is busy, and I’m sure a lot of you are thinking there is no way you have time to find one of these activities into your day. If you don’t have time for self-care what does that say about the relationship you have with yourself?

Life is about love and joy, not negativity and judgment. Just breathe and embrace life!

xoxo

Destiny

FINDING JOY

FINDING JOY

I want to start off by saying I am not an expert. Anyone who has known me for years can tell you I can be one of the most pessimistic people on earth. I’m not denying that, and I’m not saying that my life is always perfect. Trust me it’s far from it, however, since becoming a parent my outlook on life has changed dramatically. Don’t get me wrong I still have my bad days just like anyone else. What’s different is I no longer allow myself to wallow in misery. Basically what I’m trying to say is yes I lose my shit every now and then, but when that happens I pick myself up and move on. Because of that, I can honestly say for the first time in my life I’m finally at peace with myself.

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So what is joy?

Before we dive too deep I want to tell you the definition of joy, “a feeling of great pleasure or happiness”. This can mean something different to different people. I find my joy in motherhood, others may not. In order for you to be truly happy, you have to find what joy is to you.

Before I had my son I was fighting a never ending battle. I felt dissatisfied with my life, and I couldn’t understand why I was so unhappy. I knew things had to change before I brought my son into the mix. I took a step back and really tried to reevaluate my life. What I discovered was astounding. I realized that my outlook on life, my own personal negativity, and the way I dealt with situations was the cause for 99.9% of my problems. I was choosing to be miserable. Once I realized that my life started to change.

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So…what exactly did I change?

I started with the way I viewed life. By “life” I mean the day to day situations we all deal with. I realized I complained A LOT. When I say a lot I mean all the time. I found myself complaining from the time I woke up until I went to sleep. I spent my entire day focusing on every negative thing that happened to me. Once I realized this I decided to make a conscious effort to stop being a negative Nancy. Don’t get me wrong I still find myself complaining about things here and there but it’s nothing compared to the way I was.

The next thing I gave up was negative self-talk. This had a huge impact on my life. I never knew how draining negative self-talk could be until I gave it up (for the most part). I’m a firm believer that we speak things into existence, so if you’re constantly telling yourself you’ll never accomplish XYZ then you never will. Always be kind to yourself.

I would have to say the most important thing I did was stop blaming people for my shortcomings. Often it’s a lot easier to point the finger at someone else when things don’t go as planned. I’ll be honest I did this a lot. Now I’m learning to take responsibility for my decisions. It’s not always easy but it’s worth it.

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So….What’s next?

My next steps is a journey of self-refection, and truly becoming the type of person I want to be. I know I have a long road ahead of me but I’m excited about the future. If nothing else I plan on teaching my son that it’s possible to live a life that it inline with you value, and a life that brings you true happiness.

Live for you and only you. If you’re unhappy with the way your life is going do whatever you can to change it. Don’t settle for a life you don’t want.

xoxo

Destiny